“Point is, what’s so wonderful is that every one of these flowers has a specific relationship with the insect that pollinates it… By simply doing what they’re designed to do, something large and magnificent happens. In this sense they show us how to live – how the only barometer you have is your heart. How, when you spot your flower, you can’t let anything get in your way.”
Charlie Kaufman, Adaptation
Life has been insane. I may or may not have just fallen off the face off the earth, but I am coming out of my ” husband’s back from deployment-had a new baby” coma. I can’t wait for you all to see the photos from my sweet dear friend Shawna of Styleberry. Go check them out today!
WARNING:Longest post in NDP history. Longest. Even longer than the longest.
And for those of you following my VBAC story. Well things didn’t go exactly how I imagined them, but sometimes you can wait and wait and wait-longer than you ever imagined. And then, suddenly, without warning, life just opens up and everything starts happening at once.
I went into the hospital that morning ,May 30th @ 10am, for a stress test. I was 42 weeks plus 3 days[overdue] At my previous stress test appointment that Friday they had determined that I had too much fluid. Hence why I kept going into false labor for three weeks. My
little giant baby kept bobbing up and down and not fully engaging. At this point I was 3 cm/ 80% effaced.
Don’t ever. I mean ever say these top three things to a pregnant girl-let alone an over due pregnant girl.
1. Are you having twins? [ honestly someone asked me this and I punched that car salesman right between the eyes. ]
2. Your STILL pregnant?
3. Have you tried….!?!?!
Tried it all. Really folks. And yes, Castor Oil lives up to the reputation.
Ok, back to the VBAC story.
So at this point-I am mentally exhausted. I literally cannot be pregnant one more day. So my midwife-Lauren suggests breaking my water to get things going.I still didn’t want to do anything to induce labor so instead she stripped my membranes and I started to have contractions again and they were about 6-7 min apart. Still not close enough. Still not consistent enough. So Dane and I came home and decided to go back and let her break my water. I was just so ready to meet little Nolan and get this show started. We called my amazing doula, Susan. and she met us at the hospital.
Admitted at 3:30, Water broken at 4, contractions immediately got into the swing of things.
About 8:30 rolls around. Lauren checks. I am at 4 cm. 100% effaced. 0 station. Exhaustion was starting to creep in….I was having such intense strong contractions I was sure I was progressing more than that. Slow and steady was going to win this race.
Lauren checked me again around 10pm and NOTHING. Talk about a mental hurdle. I had to pinch myself, I mean these contractions were KILLING ME!How was I not progressing?My midwife then suggested she stretch my cervix to stimulate dilation, but also suggested an epidural for pain management during this procedure. However, I really wanted a natural birth and wanted to avoid an epidural at all costs. Especially since I already was not progressing and didn’t want to hinder that any more. I did opt for Nubain during the procedure to dull the pain of it. It was a success and by 10:25 I was at 6 cm/100% effaced/0 station.
Around 11:30p.m. I was starting to feel this INTENSE need to push. Lauren checked and I was still at a 6. BUT I couldn’t stop pushing. I couldn’t make that feeling go away. I changed positions. Nothing was stopping it. Nolan started to decel and Lauren suggested that something was wrong. She was now talking to me about the possibility of another c-section.She was calm and supportive. Never pushy.
This is where I pulled inner strength out of who knows where. Note: I am exhausted at this point. Literally fighting the urge to push and keep my body awake all at the same time. The Nubain had quickly worn off and I was feeling everything. I told Lauren that unless this was an emergency situation, I needed to wait. I needed to let my body catch up to itself. I knew I could do this, but I needed time. My body needed it, but more importantly my heart needed this VBAC.
At this point, I had been in labor less than 12 hours. Lauren had left the room to let us decide about the C-Section and came back for a decision. When I told her I wanted to wait and see what happens. She was okay with this decision and that although it was not an emergency situation yet she was still concerned that it might be. She expressed to me that if I wanted to continue to labor for a few hours she thought I should get an epidural to help relax my desire to push.
2AM- Lauren checked me. 6 CM. Still. After all of that.Another mental defeat. Lauren still thought something was wrong, but Nolan was handling the decels well. My amazing doula then suggested his head position might be a problem.I held myself up on my hands and knees for thirty minutes. We then moved to the knees on the bed position for 25 min. Then we did a series of positions, but after two more positions his decels picked up again.
4 AM- I am now a 6.5 cm/ 100% effaced/ and -1 station. SOME progression!!!!! Lauren was surprised, but hopeful and supportive! At this point-we let the epidural wear off-knowing I would need to feel this birth to make it happen. At this point Nolan liked for me to lay on my left side. Pain management, with no meds, just lying in bed=HELL. But it is amazing what you can do when you set your mind to it. I believed in my body and I trusted Nolan.
5AM- HUGE contraction, fluid loss , and voila 8cm!!!!! Time to get excited!!!! The intensity of the room was lifting. Dane was smiling. I was breathing. I knew his arrival was near.
6:45 AM- 9.5 CM
Started pushing at 8:05 AM.
Nolan Dane Dyk was born 9lbs 3 oz. AND 21.5 in long. at 9:47 a.m. on May 31st. 2011. It was a long beautiful road. Lots of mental hurdles, but without the support of my husband, doula, and midwife I would never have been able to think out my decisions. Although a C-Section looked inevitable and waiting for me on the horizon. Not once did I feel pressured or bullied into making an irrational decision. I was given grace. I was given time. And not once did I ever feel Nolans life was at risk.
I will never forget the feeling of giving birth, but really I can’t describe it any better than a conversation my best friend Amanda and I had and it went a little something like this…..
A-” How’s your vagina feel?”
Me-” Like a super hero”
Do you have VBAC questions? Need support? Scared? Don’t be. Email me. I promise I will help you in any way.